In my last entry, I took you all back to a very deep, dark period in my life; the loss of my innocence, my childhood, my uncertain future, and the heart break that came with the loss of my horse Peanut. It was quite an emotional blog to write but one that had to be written in order to tell “our story” and how I have gotten to where I am at today. It’s been a remarkable transformation and journey, and a very empowering one to say the least. I am very proud of how far I have come through the years. As you can imagine, there were many moments of doubt, and when they would hit me, I would have to steady myself and focus upon the future that I wanted and work through it, moment by moment, day by day.
A little history about me that I have not covered, which I think is pertinent to this story as well, is that I am the only child from my mother and father. My father passed away when I was only five, and he was only 32 years old. He passed away due to diabetic complications. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, and when you are diabetic, those are two things you can’t do. In addition, he was Native American, which made the addiction much worse. Most people know that Native American people don’t do well addicted to these two substances. They have bad reactions to them and these two substances can make them very sick. Back in the 1970s, they didn’t know as much about diabetes as they do today, but my father knew the risks and chose to ignore them. The addiction was so strong that it more or less over ruled his senses and because of it, he passed away a lot younger than he should have. I feel that if my father was alive and a part of my life, I wouldn’t have had to go through as much as I did as a child. I don’t blame him, but I often wonder how different my life would have been if he would have lived, and how different it would be now if he were still alive to see his grandchildren, to be around them, and to experience everything that being a part of a loving family entails. I think that if he knew then, what his spirit knows now, he would have fought the addictions and the disease just so I wouldn’t have had to go through any of it.
In January of 2013, I dedicated a whole year to myself to discover what truly mattered to me personally and what would make me happy. I decided to follow my truth and discover for myself the true meaning of life; I have served my community for over 10 years, reaching out to people who have and still continue to need my help with their own spiritual battles and fears while still raising my family and trying to be a supportive and loving wife to my wonderful husband. I felt that something was still missing and I couldn’t quite place my finger upon it. I am a very spiritual person and I have to be in order to be involved in the line of work I am, but still, there was a void in my heart that was demanding my attention. So I started attending a class called “The Wheel of Co-Creation” which taught us all about The Universal Law of Attraction, attracting happiness and fulfillment, and more or less taking that leap of faith and trusting that our universe is going to give us back exactly what we ask for. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life because I did what they told me to do. My spirit always came back to horses and to the memory of Peanut and how much happiness he brought me as a child and how much he helped me get through so much. It was for this reason that I back to the plans I started drawing up in 2009 for my spiritual sanctuary and retreat. I figured the universe is leading me down this path, so it’s time to start doing the research.
Some time passed but I started seeing synchronicity in everything around me. One day, a horse trailer with a mustang pulled up in the stall before me at a gas station I have gone to for five years now. Never have I seen a horse trailer pull up with a mustang in it. I saw a small rescue down the street pop into view before my very eyes. I saw a man racing down the canal by my home on his horse. I have lived in my town for 20 years and have only seen this maybe once, back when these things weren’t even on my mind. So to see these events happening around me opened my eyes; I started to seriously think that this is what the universe wants me to see and experience, so why not answer this call.
The moment I accepted what the universe was showing me synchronicity began to explode all around me. I was invited by a very good friend to go meet some ladies that run a Gypsy Vanner Ranch in Northern California. Gypsy Vanner’s are a relatively new breed of horse in America and they have not been in America for very long, not nearly as long as some other breeds of horses. This ranch was the first Gypsy Vanner Ranch across the Mississippi River and has been operation for 14 years. I accepted the invite to go meet them and the horses; immediately, I fell in love with not only the wonderful lady that runs this operation, but the breed of horse; most specifically a horse named Devi. The story behind this horse amazes me because this horse and I have an amazing spiritual connection; one that reminds me very much of my relationship with not only my son Devon, but my horse Peanut as well.
Devi is a beautiful horse with a beautiful soul. She was born at the ranch to Lynn’s first Gypsy Vanner mare, Miss Bode, and her Sire Romnipen, which were the first two horses that Lynn began her breeding operation with 14 years ago. Devi is nine years old and stands at about 15 hands. The very first day I showed up at the ranch this beauty noticed me and ran up to me as I was walking up the path to meet the ladies for the very first time. I immediately took notice and so did the ladies, which made me smile because from that moment on, this horse has had my heart.
I can totally relate to Devi at a spiritual level and feel a connection to her that is almost eerie, but in a good way. There are so many strange coincidences about this horse, and because I am spiritual person, I have taken them all into consideration. Devi is nine years old just like my son Devon, and when she was born she almost died twice, my youngest son Devon was born a month and a half premature and spent the first month of his life in the neo natal intensive care unit. I have such a close relationship with him because I could have lost him very easily. I was fortunate that it did not happen because my life would have never been the same without him. The strangest coincidence though is that I call my son Devy. When I told Lynn this story and everything my journey entailed with my youngest child, her mouth dropped because her story about Devi was pretty much the same and matched up to mine with my son Devon. I knew at that moment there was a spiritual connection with myself, Devi, and her owner, Lynn, as well. It was a truly remarkable situation.
Devi, like me, has suffered from abuse, not physical, but more psychological than anything. As a filly, she was bought by a couple who intended upon caring for her, but due to some unforeseen health issues that affected their lives, their focus fell off of Devi, and because she was psychologically neglected and forgotten about, this couple stopped caring for her the way a horse deserves to be cared for. Devi became very sad and started acting out because of it. When she did not fulfill her owner’s expectations they decided to try and sale her on the worst site possible, Craigslist. When Lynn discovered this, she immediately flew into action and came up with the money to get Devi back. Lynn was saddened by Devi’s appearance. It was obvious this beautiful filly had been forgotten about. Lynn brought her back to the ranch and, she was reintroduced to the herd, but because Devi was away for so long, the other horses have still not quite accepted her back into their herd and she is picked on quite a bit by the other mares. There is sadness in Devi’s face that I can’t quite describe, but she is back at her home ranch and coming along nicely. Being a victim of abuse myself, I can totally relate to her and how it affects you at so many levels; the physical pain goes away, but the psychological pain always stays. I feel her pain, and I am sure she feels that I have gone through abuse as well.
Because of the type of business I am in, I have asked some of my friends who are sensitive to spirit, what they pick up on about me and Devi. They all say that Devi and I have spent lifetimes together; that she is my “Spirit Horse” and that Devi hasn’t always been a horse. She has been many things in many lifetimes but always associated with me somehow, someway.
Now, I know this probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to many of you, but if you live my life and interact with spirit as much as I do, anything is possible. There are no coincidences and in order to really truly understand, you have to feel it and accept it. It makes sense to me at so many levels. I am Native American and very much believe that spirits stick together throughout many lifetimes. I also believe in a multi-dimensional universe; when you have the knowledge base that I do, and work with the many different kinds of people that I do work with, it’s the only way to explain so many different things. My research alone has proven that we exist in a multi-dimensional universe. My team and I have tapped into and spoken with spirit energy from both the 5th and 6th dimensions. It’s a truth I am working diligently upon to prove to our world as a whole.
As I started to get to know the owner of these horses, I realized that she believes in the same things I do. Her stories about how The Law of Attraction and how it has worked for her fascinate me, because she has done everything the same way I am doing things. Her mentorship, advice, and her love for horses has opened so many doors for me and has proven to me that if you believe in something wholeheartedly enough, anything is possible. I started following her advice which has since led me to three other rescues I have volunteered for and a business partner that is helping me achieve this goal of opening up a horse and animal sanctuary.
It amazes me that since I have decided to do this, so many resources have been offered to me to make this sanctuary happen, not only for me, but for people and the animals we will be helping. I have not been this excited about a project in a very long time, so I can’t help but feel that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I feel like that little girl again racing my horse through an open field on one of our many adventures. Peanut is definitely smiling down upon me from heaven, right alongside my father, and all of my family that has passed away over the years. I have not felt this complete and whole in a very long time.
All of this is happening because I decided to follow my truth and discover for myself what would ultimately make me happy. Helping people and animals is what will make me happy, so this is why I have decided to dedicate my time, energy, and spirit to accomplish this goal and open up a Sanctuary to help people, horses and animals. As my journey and story continues to unfold, I will most definitely keep writing these entries so whomever wishes to join me can. Thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a wonderful week.