Equestrians have quite the reputation in society. Many people like to think of us as akin to crazy cat ladies, only richer and slightly more psychotic. What can we say? We love our 1,200 pound babies, even if they do deplete our bank accounts! We would do anything for the well-being of our horses, and if anyone tries to mess with our equines, a hidden side of unfathomable crazy reveals itself in even the most placid person. It is never a good idea to get between a girl and her horse. Lucky for you, there are subtle clues that you can look for in order to spot an equestrian, even if we're not at the barn. Here are some of the tell-tale signs of a horseaholic and their societal struggles:
1. When you’re in class and the word “horse” comes up in a lecture, almost every head turns in your direction.
2. You decide to go out and run errands after spending some time at the barn. The after-ride look often includes your riding attire in addition to a bareback bum, dirt under your nails and smeared across your face, horse hair on your shirt from your horse rubbing on you, mud-caked boots from mucking stalls and trudging through the fields, and a few accents of hay on your head to finish the look off.
3. Whenever you’re in the car and you go over a speed bump, you automatically go into two-point position.
4. You cluck in order to make things go faster, whether it be at the people you’re stuck behind on a busy sidewalk or to your car as it moseys up a hill.
5. Your car is a portable tack room. It will forever smell like the barn and leather.
6. Whenever people are riding horses in a movie, you feel the need to judge their equitation and get very angry when it is not up to your standards.
7. You turn into the Hulk whenever someone says that riding isn't a sport. What do they know, anyway?
8. Your run is more similar to a canter.
9. You refer to something as being on your near-side.
10. You place your hand on the trunk of your car or on a person’s shoulder or back so they know that you’re behind them.
11. You are never available on the weekend because you’re at a horse show.
12. Non-horsey people that wear fake equestrian boots confuse you.
13. You sometimes tell people that yes, you are in a relationship. It’s just that your significant other weighs over ten times your weight and has four legs and a tail.
14. Any and all school papers are covered with horse sketches.
15. 90% of your profile pictures have a horse in them.
16. Whenever someone gets worked up or upset, you often sooth them by saying “easy” in a calm voice.
17. Your wardrobe consists mainly of well-worn jeans and limitless T-shirts.
18. Your legs are always at least five shades paler than the rest of your body.
19. Your legs are ridiculously strong.
20. Your heart skips a beat whenever you see a rogue plastic bag.
Thus are the signs and struggles of a horseaholic. Society may never understand us, but it will always beware us.