Romano was five months old when we lost him; an event although five years ago which still haunts me even to this day and never fails to bring tears to my eyes when I think of all that he could have been. I am not sure why I am sharing this story now; maybe to say that the only thing I did in this time that I am proud of is that I let him fight for his life and die naturally. A decision that caused disagreements between friends and conflict with the vets. Even through the pressure to do what the people around me wanted I asked Romano what he wanted and he told me "fight"
A cheeky and adorable foal whose mother Ebony was highly tolerant to his behavior, I had imagined the trouble and strife he would cause me as he got older. I looked forward with both love and fear in equal measure as I hoped that I could help him to reach his potential whilst retaining some sanity!
I always knew that if Ebony had a foal they would become part of the family and I hoped part of the healing team of horses that share their life with me. I have never had a horse leave me once they joined my team and I felt exactly the same way about Ebony's foal who I would have the unique and beautiful experience of knowing his entire life.
It was a Monday when I noticed he did not come over to me in the morning with his mother and instead stood near one of the trees. When I went over to him I could tell something was not quite right and as the day progressed I called in the vet to come and examine him. As the vet arrived Romano bent to get a drink of water and he fell over. The vet was very alarmed and expressed total confusion at his symptoms, naming a range of different things to me whilst clearly not even bothering to hide his excitement/fear at this seemingly strange disease.
He took bloods and rang me early the next day to inform me that Romano was going to die and to ask me to donate his body for research because he had myoglobinuria which little was known about other than it kills most of the time.
At this time I still have a very much alive foal who despite how he is feeling is still very much determined to eat and drink; fighting for the opportunity to live. I felt bewildered at the vets attitude and declined to put him to sleep and tried to find out all I could about what was going on in his body and how I could try and help him.
I sent off his hair for analysis to a biochemist as I discovered that myoglobinuria is not a disease in itself but more a symptom of another issue in the body. I needed to find out what this issue was if I had any hope of helping Romano to live. It is also not uncommon for entire hers to come down with and die from myoglobinuria so I had to know the risk to the other horses.
Whilst waiting for the call from the biochemist all I could do was nurse him and try and be strong because I could sense his fear and confusion. His mother Ebony had distanced herself from him; a sign I knew that was not good and I could feel his distress at this. I felt both anger and upset at Ebony even though I knew it was only natural for horses to become distanced from those that are dying.
As a healer I struggled with a duel belief; one that I could somehow save him and he would live and the other a knowing that he was going to die. I wanted to do more, to be more experience then I was and to somehow pull off the healing of the century and offer my little boy the life that I had imaged for him.
I nursed him through the day and night, sleeping for half an hour here and there to maintain some sanity and body strength.
I was encouraged by my horsey friends to put him down, despite the fact that Romano did not want to die and was showing interest still in food and drink. I was told it was the kind thing to do but I knew that in his last moments if I could not meet his wishes that I did not deserve to own horses and should not have the responsibility of their lives. It would have been easier for me and kinder therefore to myself but I knew absolute that I could not take away his free will to die as he chose and to fight right until his final moments.
The news from the biochemist did come and we managed to find out that he had a parasite in his white blood cells and she gave instructions of how to treat him for this and then the subsequent aftereffects since the parasite was likely to travel and try to attack other parts of him. I had a full page of instructions for the weeks of treatment to get him back to health. I managed to get the first dose of treatment to him but it was too late and in the early hours of Friday morning he passed away.
I tried to contact the vet to tell him about what the biochemist had found. His original words of how little is known about his condition fresh in my mind and my hope that my experience could save others from the pain I had gone through and to give some direction on what I had found through having his hair analysed. The vet on returning my call said it wasn't possible for the type of parasite I mentioned to have effected Romano and so his death it seemed would not help other horses.
I investigated sending his body for research as had been originally mentioned to me but they it seems do not pick bodies up on a Friday at the research centre and so again I hit a brick wall in trying to find something positive in this experience.
The only joy that I have is that as a psychic/healer I am able to still be in contact with Romano who has become one of the spirit horses that help me and the team to do the work that we do. Even though the memories of his short life and subsequent death is still a source of pain and something that I don't know any amount of time will truly heal.
The picture is of his mother Ebony who is my primary healing horse and who gave me five wonderful months with her boy; our now angel horse whose life I am honored to have been guardian over and who I know I made the right choices over his care in his last moments.
We have the ability to ask our horses how they want to be treated and how we can guide their lives to be. Listen to them and to your heart and not the words of others.
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