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Horse Humour
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Horse Humour

I think it's time for some fun!  I scoured the internet searching for the latest on horse jokes and there were a few sites that had some pretty good ones!  Here are the results of my search.

 

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: "Hey, we've got a whisky named after you." The horse replies: "What, George?"

A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”

A city dweller came to a farm and saw a beautiful horse. He decided he had to have the animal. He bargained with the farmer and the farmer finally sold him the horse. The city man jumped on the horse and said, "Giddyup!" The horse didn't budge. The farmer explained, "This is a special kind of horse. He'll only move if you say, 'Praise the Lord.' To stop him, you have to say, 'Amen.'" Keeping this in mind, the new owner yelled, "Praise the Lord!" whereupon the horse took off with great speed. Soon horse and rider were headed for a cliff. Just in time the rider remembered to say "Amen!" The horse came to a screeching halt right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, the rider raised his eyes to heaven and exclaimed, "Praise the Lord!"

JUNIOR: Daddy, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath his belly, catches hold of its tail and finishes on the horse's neck!

FATHER: That's nothing. I did all that the first time I rode a horse!

Murphy's Horse Laws

- There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.

- No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.

- The least useful horse in you barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.

- A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.

- Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.

- Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.

- Horses you hate cannot be sold and will outlive you.

- Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.

- If you approach within fifty feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.

- The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.

- Your barn will fall down without baling twine.

- Hoof picks always run away from home.

- If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.

- If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go. Down!

 

P.M.S. -- Pissy Mare Syndrome

 

You know you are a horseperson when:

-You cluck to your car when you go up a hill.

-Your horse's hair is in better condition than your own.

-You refer to your car as "my portable tack room".

-You are excited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are dissapointed when you realize they mean the bridal shop.

-You have the vet's number but not your kid's pediatrician on your speed dial.

-Your spouse can track dirt into the house all they want, but God help them if they muddy up the tack room.

-Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin.

-Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair all over them.

-You have to go to your friend's wedding in riding clothes because you took too long at the barn.

- Only horsepeople would spend hundreds of dollars on a show for a 95 cent ribbon.

 

More about joke, funny, horses, humour, horse, jokes

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Leave a Comment

  1. HorseDiva
    Good ones! I especially like the one about "Praise The Lord"! Voted!
    Log in to reply.
  2. Rene Wright
    Rene Wright
    Voted! Those are hilarious! Thanks for sharing!!
    Log in to reply.
  3. jst4horses
    I love these. I have shown up at all too many events, including a senate hearing I was testifying to help young children get better services at, so glad the joke shows more horsewomen than me do this. I have gone to church barefooted because my boots were too muddy and I forgot my "real" shoes. I think God forgives me, even if one older than me (if possible) lady told me something about a woman with a dog that smelled, and how the woman came to church smelling like the dog, and I felt insulted. I just said I feel God loves us all, in whatever we come in, deodorizers or horse or dog smells. I think she got it that I was not going to let her beat me down. I would rather go to heaven after spending a life in heaven with my horses than around a bunch of old bags who pretend they never smell bad, or spend their whole life sniffing and spraying instead of having a life filled with hair, smells, and LOVE.
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